That's right Crikey and other profanities! Wonderful isn't it?

Robots are aces aren't they? This is a regularly updated blog about me and the two people I share house with. That's it.

What you want? Dancing horses and youtubes?

Mmmmm no there wont be robots, I don't live with robots or know any robots personally. I had a friend who used to work with robots but that factory shut. He's ...

Yup, they look cool.

No. Get over the robots matey. Move past them. This is just a simple blog about three people who happen to share a house.

Me, I'm called Crikey by the way, my mate Drumgor West and The Cousin. They are the "other profanities" from the title.

No! No I am brand new and have never ever blogged before.

Don't say it!

Whatever. Do you wanna know more about us or not?

No, I'm not. Just as long as you don't go poking your nose in where you shouldn't.

Next section then.

I am a 30 something male with delusions of grandeur and penchant for robots. I share my home with a depressed Wookiee and The Cousin. I work. I find it frightfully ...

Yes, I share my home with an 8ft Wookiee called Drumgor West. Lovely chap if a little hard to clean up after. Please don't obsess about him, he's just a regular ...

I've never met your French teacher so I couldn't possibly say. But yes Drumgor is indeed a Wookiee like Chewbacca but I we don't talk about the other Wookiee. Drumgor gets ...

Yes and The Cousin

Well I am insulted by the implication. I share my house with The Cousin and a Wookiee called Drumgor West. What's so hard to understand about that? It's a long story ...

Drumgor West is a Wookiee, an 8ft tall Wookiee from the planet of Kashyyyk. But he left his home planet a long time ago and now shares a perfectly reasonable terrace ...

Yes, this Wookiee as you sneeringly call him, does indeed work. Drumgor works in the kitchens of local restaurant. He doesn't exactly love it but he isn't one to complain.

He, like me, prefers the indie and alternative music of the mid 90's but when he is feeling a little happier he cuts loose with a nice bottle of chardonnay, forty ...

What?

Excuse me this is not Fight Club. It is not some sort alternative ego wank story where I live out my hopes and dreams and fears and insecurities through a fictional ...

Living with a Wookiee isn't all it's cracked up to be. He smells like a cow, a wet cow at that. And he smokes, all the time, one Marlboro Red after ...

Yes yes Chewie was awesome and we all do the voice thing but imagine what that's like for Drumgor West? He is just an ordinary Wookiee, a regular everyday Wookiee. He ...

Well yeah that and his life debt.

No not quite. Wookiees are an honorable race and are duty bound to serve you if you save their life, which I did - accidentally. Chewie owed a life debt to ...

It's totally like Catholic guilt but probably less crushing and dispiriting that Catholic guilt. Much much less crushing. But lets move on shall we. You must be intrigued by The Cousin ...

No, no we wont be doing that. This isn't a blog about living with a Wookiee this is a blog about three chaps who share a house. It's not a blog ...

Fucking whatever mate. Here's some stuff about The Cousin. Although I don't know why I bother.

The Cousin in question is my cousin. He came to stay with me about 8 years ago and as the man said he, "hasn't gone away you know". He's an affable ...

Aye I can see why you might think that. But there's more to him than fisherfolk, mad cows and cheap beer.

Yeah, yeah he has this one little problem. Actually he has two little problems. For starters he is a never touch.

A never touch. It's exactly what it sounds like. He doesn't like to be touched and under no circumstances will he touch you.

The ladies? Pah! Don't make me laugh. He had a lady, once, frightful woman, constantly had food stuck in her teeth. I swear she had a four course dinner permanently lodged ...

Yeah a treat like diarrhea and as fierce as a bag of angry rottweilers. The Cousin only ended up going out with her because he was too scared to tell her ...

Family eh, what you gonna do. Plus you get used to him after a while in much the same way you get used to a funny smell or irritating noise or ...

Ah yes, the other problem. The Cousin is a big fat fan of TV detectives, from Poirot to Morse and Columbo to Bunk Moreland. Oh yes he loves them all.

Ah yes but do you ever wake up an think you are actually DCI Tom Baranby from Midsomer Murders?

That's right, we are through the looking glass with this this kid let me tell you. Did you ever spend a full month dressed in one of your grandfather's old suits ...

I know. So as you can imagine living with a Wookiee and a part mental civil servant family member makes me the sanest person in the room. Which isn't good.

Make a brew up, settle back and read.